Of the things a child can be taught to say, the request is the one that pays immediately. Naming a banana is useful later; asking for a banana changes the next thirty seconds. That is why manding is normally the first target in a language program, and why it is the one worth getting right at home.
The four conditions
A request needs all four at once, and it fails quietly when one is missing.
The child wants the thing, right now. Motivation is not a mood — it is specific and it expires. A child who has just eaten does not want a snack, and a request taught in that moment is being taught without the thing that makes it a request.
The thing is present, or nearly. In view and slightly out of reach is the classic arrangement, because it makes the want visible and the request useful in the same second.
There is a beat of waiting. If the adult hands things over before anything happens, nothing needs to happen. Wait two seconds. Most of the teaching lives in that pause.
The consequence is the thing itself. Not praise, not a sticker, not “good asking” while the cookie stays on the counter. The request works or it does not, and the child finds out immediately which.
Form comes last
Parents ask whether to hold out for a word. Early on, no. A point, a sound, a picture handed over, a hand placed on yours — any of these is a request, and any of them is enormously better than the alternative, which is usually crying or grabbing.
Shape the form afterward, gradually: accept the approximation today, accept a slightly closer one next week. What you must not do is refuse the request the child is capable of making until they produce one they are not. That teaches that asking does not work, which is the opposite of the lesson.
The behavior it replaces
Almost every child already requests. A child who pulls you to the fridge is requesting; a child who screams at the cupboard is requesting. The behavior everyone wants to reduce is often the only request available.
Which means teaching a mand is rarely adding language to a silent child — it is usually giving an existing request an easier form. When it works, the older form tends to fade because it costs more and works no better. When it does not fade, the usual reason is that the old form still works faster, and that is worth checking before concluding anything about the child.
Anything involving distress or challenging behavior belongs with your Instructor or a supervising BCBA. Guessing at why a behavior happens is where home practice can make things worse rather than better, and it is the one part of this that is not a family job.
Further reading
- Our readiness check — three questions, one minute, no signup.
- ABA therapy at home — where requesting fits in the rest of the day.